My husband and I have been married for over 12 years and it is amazing to both of us how many problems we are still having with both of our families. His parents has always had a hard time adjusting to and then accepting me. I do not actually blame them with the attitude I carried with me. My parents not caring for my husband in the begging wasn't really an issue. The problem has become more of an issue recently for some reason.
I had a very challenging childhood. The more I have been going back into my childhood and trying to work through everything I have been through in my life, (not through therapy) the more I am coming to realize how much my parents were not there for me. My husband rescued me I guess you could say. He has known for years what I am just now coming to realize. The one thing that I can say about my husband that I know isn't true about most men, is this. Even tho my husband realized how rotten my parents treated me, he didn't point it out. He didn't try to turn me against them. He allowed me to take my time and attempt to go on my own journey and discover the truth on my own in my own time.
My husband has always loved my family and treated them with respect and kindness. Now that I am finally working through all of my childhood trauma and coming to realize what I am, I can only imagine how hard this has had to be for him. See our most of our entire marriage I always thought his parents treated me really badly and my parents were saints. Now I am not saying his parents are saints now but I am seeing things more for what they are.
Anyway, so as I was saying now my parents are starting to not get the same attention and feelings from me that they have always received. I have not confronted my parents about anything. I am not in therapy and I do not go because I do not believe that someone telling you that all your problems as an adult are your parents fault. I believe the problems I had as a child are my parents fault. As an adult I have taken responsibility for myself and for my actions. I do not blame anyone for my place in life now.
The problem I am having with my parents is that when I look back at my parents I see how much they missed opportunities to protect me. To show me how much they loved me and to make me feel important to them. I love my parents very much still. As a parent myself now it is just much more difficult to look back and see how they made some of the choices that they made.
Tonight my parents stopped to bring me and my kids a treat that they know we like a certain store they went to tonight. It was a really nice gesture. The only problem is that my husband has a favorite too. He got nothing. They came in our house and handed me and my children our food treats and didn't even speak to my husband who was standing in the room with all of us.
My husband is such a good provider and works so hard. I am sure tonight he is wondering after 12+ years when is it ever going to be enough?
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